Thoughts after a conversation
Chatting with another sub online the other night, he was going through a tough time because of something he’d been aroused by and thought that he wanted to act it out because the level of arousal. After chatting for a while and describing experiences that were similar in that I sometimes have fantasies regarding cuckolding, being outed to family etc. which can all be extremely vivid, extremely personal and exceptionally provocative during those times when I do. However and it is a very big however I know that those aren’t things I ever want to truly experience I get that for others they’re kinks they live and breath but to me they’re on my list of “Most definitely, 100% no”, cuckolding for example I think would damage my relationship with Miss (who for new readers is also my wife) and that isn’t something I would ever risk regardless, it’s also something I don’t think I myself am mentally strong enough for not for it to actually happen I’ve been in relationships in the past where I’ve been cheated on (several times off the top of my head 3). Each time its hurt in unimaginable levels and whilst I imagine for some there’s a sense of catharsis in having some limited control of the situation, or even putting themselves through similar situation etc. but for me its a big blazing red light.
His fantasies were scaring him as they were on the extreme side of the kink world and I like to think I helped guide him a little bit.
It really got me thinking how over the years (I’ve dabbled, and fantasized about Femdom, chastity etc. for christ nearly getting on 2 decades… SCARY FACE MOMENT!) I’ve grown to kind of (not completely but getting there with help from Miss) work out what it is about kink that I like, what it is I want and need and looking back how whilst not the thirsty subs you get online lol how I’ve grown in my knowledge and understanding of myself and kink. I also recently picked up a copy of the “Yes, No, Maybe Workbook” which I’m looking forward to going through and see if I can expand on my understanding even more (I read voraciously and when I get into a subject I NEED to know things).
I’ve been having a lot of desires for humiliation and the lack of control aspects of play these last couple of days whilst caged, but yesterday was absolutely exhausted to the point I got home, went on the computer a short time before eating then hastily collapsing to sleep on the couch. Part of why my goal today (mini goals and such) is to sleep before 2am, something which hasn’t happened in several weeks!
So signing off on route to succeeding in that goal. As always anything anyone wants to ask regardless of subject or anything please feel free, I always respond to my comments and really appreciate input.