Thoughts and feelings | Me, my kink and I

Sep

Sizing and wearing

So the last couple of days I’ve been wearing a bra whilst at home, we did some shopping pre holiday and Miss picked me up a non wired t-shirt bra which I wore a few times during the trip, its a 40C and fits fairly well. We did measurements using abrathatfits.org/calculator.php which admittedly put me at a 40DD which we reckon would be MASSIVE for my ample sissy bossom. Since we’ve been back we picked up a couple of underwired options in a 40B (my suggestion I admit) that I’ve been wearing since when not in bed. It has definitely made me more aware, we’ve only just got back from our post work dog walk and I couldn’t help wondering if anyone noticed during the walk I mean, when I look down I can definitely tell I look a little bit booby.

I do really want to get back to having the time to maintain my smooth from the neck down & cleaning of my insides, real life has been a bit of a bitch for that. I’ve also found myself daydreaming of Miss putting me into humiliating situations/conditions a lot. I think my brains rebelling against the real life and not feeling my sissy self.

Sep

Making use of mild insomnia

Last night as many nights really, I found myself unable to sleep so rather than just fester or play games like I’d normally do. Instead I took the time provided by my abnormal sleep to epilate my legs and bikini line, it does make me feel more me (the sissy bitch me) so after my drive to work this morning one of my couple of days in the office a week I keep finding myself enjoying the feel of my smooth legs through my silly both clothes.

Annoyingly it does seem that the sleep abnormality is tied to work because the entirety of last week whilst we were on holiday I was able to sleep normally.

I know bit of a strange update for me but as I use this more as a journal figured I’d put this out into the aether.

Aug

Day of tidying and BVibe… WOW!

So today we had no plans (yay! I’m an introvert and these types of days are my dreams). We went out early to go and get brunch, had a lovely walk and nice food and coffee which is always a good way to start a day for me. When we got back I had some time to myself played on my PC and then noticed Miss was napping, decided that due to this I’d go and do a small clean out with a quickish enema as I can easily do that without waking a napping Miss. Afterwards though I was to get dressed up for Miss and plug myself with the B Vibe we got and had very brief experience of (Miss accidentally turned it off during our last try whilst getting over excited xD).

Well… That thing is GOOOOOOD, first of all I admit I made a mess just putting it in it is a bit larger than the plugs we normally use and being in the bathroom on the floor putting it in did cause a large leakage. I was tasked with putting away laundry (it was about 3 weeks worth (long story…)), cleaning the bathroom and hoovering (I had to do a minimum of 1 of these today), I started with the laundry but Miss didn’t do much with the remote for the plug during this. Then had a break after way too much laundry putting away, and Miss decided to start playing with the remote. I was sat at my computer and after about 20 minutes felt the pressure building and immediately made another mess in my pretty thong. I then moved onto doing the bathroom and during 80% of cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom wiping everything and hand cleaning everything the plug was a constant source of pleasure, frustration and distraction. This thing is powerful, unexpected changes also help remembering Miss was in another room completely so I had no idea when they were coming.

Its a short short post for today, I’m not sure if Miss took any pictures but if she did I will update with those too.

Aug

Fitting

So a female friend of mine posted about an online bra fitting site a couple of months ago, I spoke to Miss about it as this sissy has never had a real bra and we decided after pay day that Miss would measure me up and we’d look to get one for me. It’s something I’ve always been curious about, and being on the chubby side I can have quiet a good cleavage *blush*.

Am looking forward to it, both the measuring by Miss (which will have its own bit of humiliation even if Miss just grabs a tape measure and cracks on with it) and then the looking and shopping for something in my size. As I say with the cleavage I hope we can find something pushuppy to and maybe something more for everyday wear under boy clothes. I’ve got a few bralettes which do a bit already so fingers crossed.

So hopefully this time next week I’ll be able to dress up and have a bra 😮

Aug

Yet another week

Starting the week as I mean to go on, attempting optimism which is in itself strange. Today I went with a very cute thong for my underwear choice.

I’ve been caged a little over a week now and starting to feel it, my need to be penetrated, used or humiliated has been on the rise throughout too. Its clearly tied to the cage and the feeling of being owned that gives constantly.

We’ve both been a bit tired but I’m trying to keep ontop of that and stay in the mindset but still have slips of snappiness related to the tiredness.

Aug

Thoughts after a conversation

Chatting with another sub online the other night, he was going through a tough time because of something he’d been aroused by and thought that he wanted to act it out because the level of arousal. After chatting for a while and describing experiences that were similar in that I sometimes have fantasies regarding cuckolding, being outed to family etc. which can all be extremely vivid, extremely personal and exceptionally provocative during those times when I do. However and it is a very big however I know that those aren’t things I ever want to truly experience I get that for others they’re kinks they live and breath but to me they’re on my list of “Most definitely, 100% no”, cuckolding for example I think would damage my relationship with Miss (who for new readers is also my wife) and that isn’t something I would ever risk regardless, it’s also something I don’t think I myself am mentally strong enough for not for it to actually happen I’ve been in relationships in the past where I’ve been cheated on (several times off the top of my head 3). Each time its hurt in unimaginable levels and whilst I imagine for some there’s a sense of catharsis in having some limited control of the situation, or even putting themselves through similar situation etc. but for me its a big blazing red light.

His fantasies were scaring him as they were on the extreme side of the kink world and I like to think I helped guide him a little bit.

It really got me thinking how over the years (I’ve dabbled, and fantasized about Femdom, chastity etc. for christ nearly getting on 2 decades… SCARY FACE MOMENT!) I’ve grown to kind of (not completely but getting there with help from Miss) work out what it is about kink that I like, what it is I want and need and looking back how whilst not the thirsty subs you get online lol how I’ve grown in my knowledge and understanding of myself and kink. I also recently picked up a copy of the “Yes, No, Maybe Workbook” which I’m looking forward to going through and see if I can expand on my understanding even more (I read voraciously and when I get into a subject I NEED to know things).

I’ve been having a lot of desires for humiliation and the lack of control aspects of play these last couple of days whilst caged, but yesterday was absolutely exhausted to the point I got home, went on the computer a short time before eating then hastily collapsing to sleep on the couch. Part of why my goal today (mini goals and such) is to sleep before 2am, something which hasn’t happened in several weeks!

So signing off on route to succeeding in that goal. As always anything anyone wants to ask regardless of subject or anything please feel free, I always respond to my comments and really appreciate input.

Aug

Last nights fun

After spending a lot of hours dealing with an enema that was a long time in coming, I asked Miss if I could be locked. First she told me no, but she was planning to lock me later however after spending some time on the couch Miss came back into the room to say she’d changed her mind and that yes I could be locked now and to meet her in the bedroom.

On going into the bedroom I was told to strip (I was dressed in a pair of tiktok leggings (they’re amazing!)) and then told to get between her legs and kiss the parts which still hurt from being epilated the day before, kissing away like my life depended on it Miss started grinding herself on me and had me kissing her lips with the same vigor in no time (I admit I leaked on the bed sheets during this). She then forcefully pushed me away and told me to get the toy she’d got me for our anniversary, Miss tried putting it in but it was a tiny bit too big so I took over trying to get it in as I could judge the angle better, during this Miss would tug on her cock and balls which was painful but felt amazing being totally at her whim. After taking a minute out to relax myself I eventually got the plug in, and Miss started to play with the remote (it vibrates and has a part that makes it feel like being rimmed!) and I was in total pleasure whilst Miss still mercilessly teased her cock and balls.

Then Miss stopped and told me to start licking her ass whilst she was on all fours playing with her favourite toy, I couldn’t get enough of being her sissy ass licker and after I don’t know how many orgasms Miss lay down and we cuddled.

Aug

Almost forgotten feeling

After so long not doing anything for my sissy side, this weekend has been like a second (or third, or fourth etc.) coming. Yesterday was spent getting nice and smooth with a nearly all over epilation (still need to ask Miss to deal with my sissy ass) and the majority of today was a very thorough enema.

After all that I’ve been feeling so much lighter and happier, even though I’ve only just finished. I feel ready to be my sissy self again and be the slutty sissy Miss deserves to please her. Short but sweet post for now.

Dec

Thoughts and such over the festive season

Having been walking pooch each evening in sissy clothes, it really got me thinking how much I enjoy dressing up. Especially being a little show off slut like I was the other night. I’ve always been a bit more uninhibited than the average person but dressing up and being outside makes me that little bit excited, that little bit scared and all the turned on.

I’ve been caged pretty much all of this month which probably adds to that last part but it does make me want more clothes, a better option for hair management (currently looking at home laser hair treatment options). Then once covid has come and gone (or is more under control) I could in theory just get the areas the home laser treatment can’t do waxed.

In other news Christmas has come and gone and I love everything Miss got me, she gave me a few bits before we travelled to family (few kinky items) and we brought everything else over with us and I’m over the moon with everything and glad everyone enjoyed my first Christmas Dinner (although for a much smaller group than normal due to following all the guidelines :))

Dec

A very interesting evening

So following the UK changes to Christmas & the tier system our family plans took a major hit, which lead to me needing to take a trip to collect presents so they can be shipped to my sister. Normal drive there (although plugged, wearing fishnet tights, and a pink basque) but on the way back Miss had decided that I was to change out of my silly boy jeans and into a more appropriate skirt. To be followed by sending picture evidence, now the road between our city and Manchester is hilly and remote but fairly well travelled so I had to find a spot to stop over.

After finding a spot, I turned off the engine took out the key and ran to the passenger side of the car. Taking my shoes off outside lead to cold feet but I was too excited to care. I hurriedly took off the jeans and started taking a few snaps for Miss to enjoy, at which point cars started passing me stood in the dark next to the car (inside lights on) full beams of these other vehicles in my direction, I have no way to know what they saw but it made my blood pump so fast thinking someone may have seen this sissy little bitch by the road side, or thought they just got a view of a woman changing.

After letting my heart slow a little I got back into the car and moved on thinking of home and Miss, it wasn’t till I got to the next layby that I thought it was a nicer spot for some outside the car snaps getting excited again I was out of the car without any hesitation this time a few cars rushed by and I knew I looked hot as fuck and didn’t care what they saw, again out comes the phone and snap snap snap flashes in this black wilderness occasionally sprayed with car lights.

When I got home eventually after driving through McDonalds drive through all dressed up and masked to pick up our food I find Miss on the couch with our puppy all snuggled not feeling herself. So we ate looked after our pooch and I took her for her nighttime walk, several times having to bend right over (no one around) to stroke a very nervous slightly poorly pooch.

And that leaves me here, dressed up and horny but wishing a pooch and Miss to feel better.